I have done my time for now and freedom as come to me.
Sweet and beautiful freedom.
Deprived of me as well , I can now take long breaths..
Inhale quietude.
Exhale peacefulness.
Everything is as it should be.
The days turn into nights, as fast as lightning .
And the nights turn into dust as our hopes wither with the sight at days coming .
A never ending cycle, that has come to it´s end.
As for know and until the next time, Iam free.
For the keys to my freedom are well kept within him.
So for know I am free.
Sound of silence
I was asked today, by a friend, what I did in my moments of silence.
If they were few and apart or constant, like breathing, for example.
I thought it was a very intriguing question.
Even the way she asked, there was something about that question that got me thinking.
I´am very much aware of my moments of silence.
There´s times that I feel good in them, others not so much.
I supposed it´s like that with everyone really.
Never the less I wonder if one can really say, for sure, that silence is silent or on the other hand , that silence is everything but silence.
I don´t think that silence is silent.
I think that silence is powerful, stately, loud…
I can feel it.
I can hear it.
Sometimes I have the silly feeling that I can actually touch it.
One cannot touch something that does not exist, physically, so I´m told.
My silences are both few and apart and constant.
It depends on many variables.
However, when I´m immersed in them, I am finally free.
For better or for worse.
I am alone with it and must make peace with me, myself and I.
When I can do that, the silence embraces me like no other has.
When I can´t, well when I can´t I am left aside.
But be assured that silence is many things, silent isn´t one of them.
True lies and false truths
In the dark of night I can see the hiden lies.
At broad daylight the truth is insidious but for those who know how to seek, it´s at plain view.
You either see it or you don´t.
It´s your prerogative in the end.
What you do or don´t ….Well, that´s just it.
Believe that the true lies ultimately will get you there.
Embrace that the false truths will get you there.
Or accept that whether right or wrong, black or white, yes or no, true or false there´s only one thing that you can do.
A lie for you may be a true for someone else.
Perception …
Looking for Jack / Part III
Yes, it´s true.
He´s gone again.
Not for long but long enough to be missed.
I have finally found whom I always looked for .
For what it seems an eternity but at the same time feels like it was yesterday.
Hard to explain what reason itself doesn´t understand.
Yet reason has it´s ways and in the end it all comes together.
And so, as always , my search will come to an end.
Although he will always be Jack and I´ll always be right behind him.
That´s my thing really.
I just need to find Jack.
So if you´re out there , know that I´m here.
Looking for you.
Yearning for you.
Waiting for you.
Always…
Once upon a time…
Once upon a time there was a girl.
Once upon a time there was a boy.
Once upon a time the girl and the boy got to know each other but let time stood in their way.
After time and time apart, the boy and the girl took a stand against time itself and decided that there was no more time to be dwelled in time, no more.
And so, like this, once upon a time a girl and a boy became a women and a man.
And took what was theirs to take.
Time.
You see, one might not be abble to change time but one can always change themselves.
One more, just one more…
I have a recurrent thought at times like these.
One more, it´s just one more…
It´s not working yet.
Not yet, not now.
But the fact is that she´s back.
She came softly, a few days ago.
One almost didn´t notice her.
Insidious, like most of the times.
She´s like that you know?
Sometimes, anyway.
And now, she´s here.
To stay I´m sad to see.
It has been a long time since she did this.
I must say I did not miss her, at all.
Even worst , she´s angry and makes me be all alone.
She knows I hate being alone with her.
And tonight I don´t even get the chance to see Him.
I called for help already but few has arrived.
And no other will come , I know…
So tonight will be one more night.
One more night with her.
The rain.
Pouring…
Even him as abandoned me as well, but not by choice, I know that much.
But the sky tonight is as dark as me, myself and I.
And the night as just began…
To Trust is …
You must trust yourself.
Just trust yourself and never mind the rest.
You won´t lie, deceive, harm yourself.
Others could, would, will if you let them.
So, trust yourself.
All the deeds that you do not do.
All the words that you do not speak.
All the breaths that you do not take.
All those things , you choose not to do, trust yourself.
Often people say or think that your emotions are in your heart.
They´re not you know?
Your heart is a muscle, a part of the all machine that is your body.
An important one , yes but it doesn´t hold your emotions.
They´re in your brain.
Use it.
Don´t be afraid.
Don´t doubt yourself.
Trust yourself.
It doesn´t really matter everything else.
To Trust in yourself is wise.
Not to do that, well, it would be a waste really.
The first Time
Today I was reminded of a first time.
And I started thinking of all the first times that one has in life.
First breath.
First thought.
First taste.
First sight.
First sound.
The list is endless, concerning first times.
And troughout our life time we repeat thousands of moments and gestures and don´t even take a moment to think in the beauty of it all.
Big things, small ones, easy or complicated.
In order for us to be abble to do them , there once was a first time…
The question then is:
Do we do it better now that we know better as well?
Or first times are simply what they are?
One of many to come?
What constitutes a first time?
- The fact that one has never done it?
- Has done it but has no recollection?
- Or just simply we get to decide what our first times are.
Awareness
Such a powerful word.
And yet a small one.
That´s why we should never judge a book by it´s cover.
Not everything is what it seems to be.
Awareness…
I ´m aware that I am not aware, does that count?
I know where I am, what surrounds me, what envolves me, what I can or cannot do, but at the same time I´m not really here.
I am nowhere to be found.
Lost in everything and myself as well.
I lost my identity , my sense of self.
And I fear thar I´ll never get the chance to be me again.
Not me realy. Just another version of me.
One of many.
Awareness is for those that still hold on to whom they are.
Their true selfs.
Not for those who no longer are.
Awareness is a luxury that not everyone can afford….
Older
Older in age?
Older in mind, thoughts?
Are you still the same person that I knew?
Am I still the same person that you knew?
When are we out of time?
I never should have looked back.
Should just kept going, straight, into nothingness.
Into the oblivion.
I forget things.
Well ,not as much as forget but don´t remenber, there´s a difference. Important things.
Events that were crucial in my life…
It´s one of the most painful feelings that one can have.
It´s like a part of my life, a part of me, simply vanished.
My mind is weak to say the least.
I often play with the fact that one day Alzheimers will be with me until the end.
Among other things that the ones who love me don´t find amusing.
Sense of humor is a must.
In everything.
And as time goes by and I´m getting Older I get the feeling that although things were supposed to be easier along the way…They´re just not.
It seemed too easy…
It´s almoust strange really, to think that as I´m getting older, there are things that I have to give up…
I won´t age gracefully but I wished I did.
The all process would be much less excruciating for me.
