Fear

I don´t want to go.

I don´t want to go alone.

I don´t want to go any way.

But I know I have to.

It is only a matter of time.

Ever since I can remember, it has been my bigest, deepest, painful fear.

I have struggled with it in vain.

Shame to say it but true never the less.

Every once in a while it hurts more than usual.

I don´t think of it every day.

Well not consciously anyway.

The thought is there.

It doesn´t leave.

And every now and then it emerges, just to make sure that I don´t forget.

Like I could do that!

So I´m face to face with it.

And every time I loose.

And every time it happens I don´t come out of it stronger.

On the contrary.

I come out of it with the certainty , the assurance that I´m loosing ground to It.

And there is nothing I can do about it.